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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Looking For Answers' LiveJournal:

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Friday, August 31st, 2007
6:59 pm
Hey all.
So, I haven't had a manic episode in a long time. I'm back to the depression and it keeps getting worse. They had me on lamictal, but I eventually decided to give up on medication and work through it. But that is getting so increasingly difficult and I'm SO tempted to fall into old, nasty habits. So I was wondering what all of you do to control the depression (and manias though I'm not too prone to them), other then writing constantly and chain smoking.


Current Mood: listless
Friday, July 20th, 2007
1:19 am

Hi. My name is Jennifer,  I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is bipolar. I am writing in several communities in hopes that someone in one of them can help me in some way.  My boyfriend and I were friends for two and half years before we started dating. Everything was fine for awhile and then suddenly on June 29 of this year he calls and says he wants to break up and that he doesn't love me any more and never did. He gives me a new reason for doing this every few minutes and says he wants to stay friends. I later hear from a mutual friend that he had told her a few days earlier " i dont want to do this but i feel i have to." When she asked him why, he replied "Because I'm bipolar." A week later we get back together. Everything seems to be going back to the way it was. Then tonight he calls me and says he wants to break up again. He gives thee same reasons he gave last time and again says that he feels he has to do this. He again says he doesnt love me. And this time says he cant talk to me or be around me anymore but refuses to give me a reason. This all happened the day after I we had a date and he seemed to be very happy. 
I want to ask those in this community if I am right in what I think is causing his behavior. 
I feel, as do a few mutual friends, that he is suffering from a manic episode. I told him this and he said that he wasn't because he was on his meds. 
I also want to ask if it is possible to have a relapse if on the medication lithium. 
I am very heartbroken and don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome. 
If more information is needed, let me know and I will get it to you as soon as I can.
Thanks so much. 

Wednesday, March 28th, 2007
8:59 pm
I was just curious about the medication Abilify. My DR, gave me a prescription she wants me to take it for my Bipolar disorder. Is it a good medication? Anyone have good or bad experiance using this medication?

Current Mood: sad
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
11:09 am
Has anyone here ever been hospitalized/in-patient
Friday, February 2nd, 2007
7:11 am
Good Song
Check out the song "One Day I Walk" by The Rankin Family from their CD, Uprooted. If ever there was a song that accurately described how it is to have this illness (whether or not that was the songwriter's intention), this is it. I love it.
Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
4:00 pm
New Girl
Let me get the vital stats out of the way, so we can move on.

Read more...Collapse )

Now, my question is this:
How do I get them the H*ll off my back without burning bridges and actually being the most selfish person in the world? Because I really can't take much more of this, but I love all these people and want them to be happy.
Saturday, December 9th, 2006
2:24 am
Um hey.
I just joined here because my therapist recently sent me to a phsyciatrist because my mother was complaining about my excessive stress, anxiety, and poor anger managment. The pshyciatrist diagnosed me with bipolar 2. I have also been previously diagnosed with deppression, bulimia, ocd, and adhd. I was put on foclin and prozac. I basically either refused to take the prozac or tongued it. It made me extremly elated and all of my friends complained. The foclin was stopped by my mother because I was a raving bitch on it. So placing bipolar disorder, the label that is classyfied as insanity by most people, on top of all those isn't exactly what I consider a welcome fact. I'm just curious as to whether this diagonosis cancels out the adhd, ocd, and deppression? And also is this why I reacted in the ways that I did to previous medication?
I just need information about this. I'm completly ignorant to the subject.
-Sarah Leslie Marie

Current Mood: anxious
Monday, November 27th, 2006
10:18 pm
Good Book
A good book to read is  "Taming Bipolar Disorder" by Lori Oliwenstein.

Current Mood: tired
Saturday, November 11th, 2006
5:43 pm
For the past week or so I've thought I was finally on the right path toward getting this brain shit worked out. Then for the past two days I've been an agitated freak, racing thoughts, unable to sit still, the whole nine (crazy) yards.

Last night we upped one of my meds in the hope that it would help me sleep, but instead I was awake on and off throughout the night and woke up for work feeling like a zombie. I left work early - after opening the store, since there wasn't anyone else to do it - came home and slept for another 5 hours.

I'm getting a big lesson in self medicating this evening; I went out to dinner with my parents and had a beer and for the first time all day didn't feel like I was going to jump out of my skin. Fuck that for working is all I can say. Now I'm faced with what to do tonight. Hmm, let's see - get a case of beer and go to town, or try again with the drugs? Of course I know what the answer is, but a big honking beer is sounding awfully good at the moment.

Bipolar sucks; have I mentioned that?
Monday, November 6th, 2006
5:18 am

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a few months ago, and they put me on a medication called Topamax. I had a bad side effect with the medication. Since then I have been afraid to go back to the Dr. But I know I have to because my symptoms are starting to get worse.

I was wondering if there is any way to keep my moodswings under control untill I get on the right meds?

Current Mood: annoyed
Saturday, October 28th, 2006
2:11 pm
So full of restless energy. I miss my lamictal for one day and then this hits, so much, very fast, but all my mnusic is going too slow. my fingers are clumsy and fooled by gravity into being so slow. I am runnin around my house, doing jumping jacks, trying to expel all this inside me. I feel like I'm rolling on ecstacy, except a little euphoric, much more speedy. I'm doing the bird head thing, darting around everywjhere, and my senses are being overloaded. I hope this abates soon. Or I hope it transfers into sexual energy which in turn gets me laid.
Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
9:00 pm
Figured this place could use a jumpstart
Was off all meds for a couple of months there; felt okay for the first 6ish weeks, then the depression and anxiety started back up. Finally saw my psychiatrist again; got on restoril (temazepam) for sleep, although it's taking me 45 mg (recommended dose 15-30mg) to get to sleep on it, and started back up on lamictal. Currently only on 25mg a day as I'm doing the "step-up" thing again; started cutting again after 6 months of abstaining. Now I want to cut out of boredom. I feel so apathetic; I feel like I have a weird hunger that won't go away. I keep trying to fill it withfood or human contact, but that's not really filling it. I should go see my therapist but I can't quite bring myself to that step; I don't want to have to admit that I'm back in this place again. Maybe I should be on anti-depressants too at the moment, but I know lamictal has some anti-depressant qualities so maybe it's enough? I'd almost prefer some mania right now except that the frenzy of energy would probably lead to much more cutting than I'm already doing. I don't know. This entry is fairly pointless, but I have no one I feel I can REALLY talk to about this in person so here's where I go to vent.

Current Mood: apathetic
Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
7:54 pm
I am really frusterated right now. Every ssri made me manic and really nauseous so i was always vomiting(sry gross i know)but atleast i wasn't depressed. I used to be totally fine with ssri's but then i stopped them for six months and i was too depressed to functio nand when i started taking them againthey all made me manic. i was put on lamictal and htat made me manic and nauseous. yesterday my doctor decided to try risperdal and it made me sooo groggy today and i felt really depressed and zombie-ish. i had nothing to say and would say weird things. i jsut feel so defeated right now. i was wondering if anyone else had a similiar experience or i was wondering about their experience with finally finding the right medication.

i jsut feel like i have tried everything and nothing worked. the mania from ssri isnt so bad(atleast i am not depressed) but i get sooo talkative and really hyper...i want to feel happy and feel good and the mania is terrible for school cuz i get distracted and can't concentrate. i jsut feel like i have tried everything and nothing worked...i jsut don't know how i can live with this anymore. i am going away to college in two weeks and my meds haven't been right for over a year. i guess my hope is someone will have the same problem here and tell me what i should take and it will be the magic bullet and everthing will be fine but i guess thats not likely.

i should have switched psychiatrists a long time ago because he kept trying different ssri's that allll did the same thing. he didnt believe me that i was having mania evne though i told him until this summer when he finally decided to try other things. its partly my fault cuz i should have switched and maybe it would have been fixed before college if it can be fixed? just everytiem he prescribed something new i thought that it would be the magic bullet so i stayed with him but ofcourse it never was the magic bullet. well thanks:) i hope someone has some insight for me!

Current Mood: crushed
Monday, July 3rd, 2006
8:56 pm
so i have written in here alot with the same question. i am finally going to try lamictal....i am depressed without any anti depressants but i get manic when i take anti depressants. my doctor said that is a good indication of bipolar disorder....he has been hesitant for months about giving me a mood stabilizer but he decided i needed it. so i am actually going to start it for real this time! i have never taken a drug like this and i am afraid it will make me like a zombie or i will get depressed again cuz i will only be taking the lamictal by itself..although it does have a built in anti depressant. i was wondering people's experiences with starting mood stabilizers and how long it took to get the right combination. i am going away to college in 2 months and i am really scared to go away if i am still having medication problems..i dont want to go if i am really depressed, like a zombie, or manic again. i almsot want to defer a semester to get this straightened out but then friendships would have already formed...i am just afraid that if i am depressed, a zombie, or manic it will affect my ability to make friends or get good grades because i won't be myself. well thanks for listening and any insight would be appreciated sooooo much!!!
Monday, May 15th, 2006
5:13 pm
So I am extremely depressed without anti depressants but all the anti depressants cause me to have hypomania and i really don't like it....i hate how i can't concentrate and how distracted i get. concentrating in school is impossible. i think i need a mood stabilizer but my doctor keeps just trying other anti depressants and all of them make my hypomania..i have taken effexor, lexapro, and celexa. he says he won't give me a mood stabilizer because he doesn't think i will take it correctly because i didn't take my anti depressant regularly trying to offset the hypomania. he doesn't understand that. it is easy for him t osay but when u are experiencing those symptoms u try to do the best you can to offset it. i just can't stand this anymore. and the problem is i have tried to get another psychiatrist but because of my background with eating disorders no other psychiatrist will see me. and at the place i go that specializes in eating disorders no one else is available right now. i also get the feeling he thinks i am making it up.

i do have 5 weeks of mood stabilizer cuz he gave it to me once and then i was scared to take it and then i took my medication weirdly so he didn't want me to take it. if i took it on my own which probably isnt a good idea do you think i'd take it along with celexa?

i am just so frusterated with this. i don't know what to do. i just feel like i should kill myself. i can't live like this. i have had problems with medication for an entire year and he still ahsn't fixed this. i don't know why i am writing this but i just feel like i should take sleeping pills..possibly not to kill myself but to get the help i need finally.

Current Mood: depressed
Thursday, April 20th, 2006
4:24 pm
So i am starting lamictal in a couple of days and i was wondering what side effects i should expect. i have never taken a mood stabilizer so i am a little scared about taking it. will i feel normal? i am afraid i will feel like a zombie...i am also taking it along with an anti depressant and i was wondering how long it takes to get the right combination of anti depressant and mood stabilizer(for anyone taking both of those) cuz i have bene having medication problems all year long and i am afraid it still won't be fixed by august when i go away to college. i don't feel comfortable going away to college if i still don't have my medication in check. also can it cause weight gain cuz that is one of my major concerns. but i can't stand these mood changes anymore. i was taking 5mg of lexapro and my mood changes were terrible and now i am taking 1.25 mg and i am still having mood changes. they aren't as bad but they are still a problem. i am jsut really frusterated with this because i have had problems all year long. and my relationships with friends have definately suffered. i can't live like this anymore. it is the msot frusterating thing anyone can imagine. i jsut want to feel normal!!!
Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
11:50 am
legs jumpijng like the jitterbug
I'm sorry I can't type right now but I really just need to write; Its the first manix or hypomanic, whatever, episode I've had in a long time. I kept thinking\ "hey I'm doing grea,t I don't nbeed my lamicatal anymore because I've nbeen so llevelm I want to quit it when I see my psychiatrist in march" and today I took it and was feeling total;ly fine for awhile and thenn I startewd getting really manix in front of my friend. I think I really freaked him out. Then I started hyperventilating, getting really anxious. I haven't cut in like over a year and then today I did, and I shouldn't have. It calmed me down for a little while but= now I'm jumping all over the place, my legs are freaking out and I can't concentreate, I have to keep typing or else my body will get too jumnpy. I want to call my psychiatrist but I don't think she's on my insurance anymore and I can't afford an apointment and I don't want to be on more meds, I want OFF. I can't handle ymyself right now though and it's frustrating. I took a valium to calm the anxiety but I'm not calm anymore. cutting just did not help[. sorry this is so fully of typos, my hands won't really sit still.

x-posted uin in_treatment
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
6:52 pm
here is the thing...without anti depressants i am depressed but when i take anti depressants even at a low dose it induces mild hypomania for me. my doctor said start taking an even lower dose of lexapro..at 2.5 mg...but i am afraid that will just make me really depressed again. i read online that sometimes this is unofficially refered to as 'bipolar III' but it is in controversy whether this is unmasking bipolar disorder or whether it is jsut a side effect of the medication. i know that taking less anti depressant will prob just make me depressed again so i will prob end up taking a mood stabilizer along with lexapro. i am scared about taking the mood stabilizer because it isn't really clear whether i have bipolar disorder so its like do i really need it. i am afraid how i could react to it if i really don't need it. i could prob live with the hypomania, although i prefer to just be regular but the other half of the time i am extremely tired and depressed. my doctor said whenever someone is too 'high' it is followed by being too 'low'.

i was just wondering if anyone had any thought on this or had a similiar experience with antidepressants inducing hypomania and if a mood stabilizer fixed the problem. i am really upset and frusterated with this right now..i almsot wish i clearly had bipolar disorder so atleast i would know for sure what i am treating and what medication to use. thanks alot!

Current Mood: tired
Thursday, January 26th, 2006
5:31 pm
I think i might have bipolar 2 disorder but i am not sure...i was wondering other people's experience with figuring out they have bipolar disorder and then positive effects they have had wit ha mood stabilizer.

when i am off antidepressants pretty much i have extreme anxiety and i am really depressed...i don't see any mood fluctuations until i am on anti depressant medication. when i first started taking lexapro i got like hypomanic(my doctor said that is a symptom of bipolar disorder) i didn't need alot of sleep, i was really hyper, really talkative,i could sleep but i felt fine no matter how much sleep i got, my foot wouldn't stop shaking, i coudn't concentrate on anything but i felt great. i felt too good if thats possible. then for a week i felt normal but now i feel like total shit again. perhaps that was just me getting used to the medication? but this whole week i have been really depressed. now i am tired all the time and i can't sleep and i have had so many negative and suicidal thoughts all week. and i just haven't been able to stop crying all week. but then at night even though overall i have felt like shit..sometimes at night like right now i start to feel great again and i have lots of energy and i feel fine. seriously it was like jekyl and hyde today. i feel great now. but perhaps that is cuz i came home early and slept for three hours cuz i had trouble sleeping last night. i don't know i am confused and my psychiatrist doesn't know cuz he is no help. i am going to get a new psychiatrist.
Friday, January 6th, 2006
7:41 pm
seroquel cessation? geodon? the flu?
I mentioned I started geodon a few weeks ago, and for the most part, I've been feeling great. One thing I've been having trouble with: marathon sleep. We're talking needing 12 hours to feel halfway decent, 16 if I don't have to set my alarm.

One thing I think it was was the fact that I was still taking seroquel and zyprexa. I stopped the zyprexa, and I was supposed to be weaning off the seroquel, but I had two days in a row of actually needing 2 hour naps after work, so I stopped the seroquel on my own. I was taking 50mg each night, and I stopped abruptly.

Yes, I know, you're never supposed to just stop taking your medications, and yes, I know, you usually have to wean off medications at any rate, but we're talking two days of dragging myself through work, actually forcing myself to move around because if I stood still for very long I'd start dozing off. I'm not kidding - those days it was either keep moving or die. At one point I had a half hour break and went out to my car with a coffee timer and slept for 25 minutes. (You have to understand, I'm not a napper. On top of that, I despise the thought of being watched while I sleep, so I'm definitely not a public napper. On a normal day the thought of napping in a car in a busy retail parking lot would leave me reeling in horror, but that day I couldn't get out there fast enough.)

So I suddenly stopped seroquel, and I'm not intending to take it again, because at least I'm no longer as "walking dead" during the day, but I have a query. I've been feeling slightly ill (nauseous) for the past 3 or 4 days, and I'm wondering if that might be the cause. Mostly I want to be told it's neither geodon nor the onset of the flu ... anyone ever heard of or had similar symptoms when stopping seroquel?
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